ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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