Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
