friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
