i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize