walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
