OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
