hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
