found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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