I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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