Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
