You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
