her vagine was all disorganized.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
