Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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