cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
this just has baby written all over it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
