Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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