You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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