Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Pants are for mortals
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
