It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
