so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
