I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She bit a glass in half.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
