Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
