I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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