I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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