My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
