hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
