Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
