I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
