mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
