Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize