I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
