Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
