it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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