i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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