chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
