He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He kissed a someone with a penis
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
do nipples grow back?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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