I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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