also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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