You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
