I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
