He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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