everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize