I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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