she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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