So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
