what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
