I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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