it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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