we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
