How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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