I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
