before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
