Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
