I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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