i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
