all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
