Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize