I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
