It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
