Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
