Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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