i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize