I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
