the condom got lost in my hair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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