Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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