You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
