and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
