he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
