We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
